Brain Vomit

hey guess what?

2008-01-06T15:49:00.000-05:00

It's been almost a year...imagine that. Lot's of shit has been going on, also, I don't have an internet connection at my house so it's kind of hard to post with no connection. I guess that I really don't have much to say except that with the neglect of my blog also came the neglect of my myspace page and WOW have there been some really interesting emails to come out of that....I have one huge newsflash and it's for men. No one, with perhaps the exception of Tila Tequila and her lot, responds well to overt propositions from strangers on the fucking internet. The next asshat that emails me and tells me that he can make me feel "better" (as I obviously need someone to help me with that) I will personally hunt down myself and make it so that they need help feeling better themselves. How do you like them apples?

SO to make what could have been a long and interesting post the reader's digest version I will now log off. I will be back later, I made a resolution to actually update this damn thing...we'll see how long that lasts.

Laters.

Has Half of the Entire Eastern Seaboard Called you at 10 AM when you're trying to sleep in?

2007-05-16T10:26:00.000-05:00

Dude. Ok, I closed the store myself last night. Facts being that the laziest person that I have ever personally met closed the night before and it was a fucking disgusting mess (seriously? Black mop water, but whatever) and I didn't get out of there until 12:30 in the morning. I really (she said, in her whiniest voice) really wanted to sleep. Nope. First mom, then work, then mom, then work. But whatev.

Right now I'm drinking my coffee and eating a cookie for breakfast, because I am an adult and I can and don't anyone tell me otherwise. Cookies are good for any meal really; a multi-purpose food, but I'll get into that later. No, seriously, and this isn't an idle threat, if anyone lectures me on my eating habits, so help me god, I will write a thousand words on how cookies are a multi-purpose food. And, YOU ALL WILL READ IT. This means you Christy.

Ok, I have nothing else to say. I've been working since last Monday straight through with one puny little day off on Sunday that may as well have not even been a day off because I spent it fighting with Spiderman over the dumbest. thing. ever. And no, I will not be discussing it here at any point in time. I'm tired and non-funny right now.

I'm going to go get some more coffee.

Holy Crap It's Been a Long Ass Time

2007-05-16T00:18:00.000-05:00

Wow. I'm tired. I don't do anything but work these days now that school is out for the time being. Umm, there's not much to say really, maybe there is and I don't feel like talking about it, but for now I'm going with there's not much to say. Honestly. Nothing witty at all.

EXCEPT. one thing. Who from San Diego is looking at this? Because the pretentious soul sucking bastard lived there for a time after he tried to kill me and then left the state and I was wondering if it was him. Although I'm pretty sure he's still sleeping in mommy's basement. Or with some poor, poor girl whom he's duped into thinking he's an actual functioning human being.

I'm going to go be a geek and watch Battlestar Galactica with my boyfriend.

Jenninja, get in touch with me, k?

I just had to jump out of Spiderman's window

2007-04-30T13:09:00.000-05:00

Because his MOM showed up at his house and knocked at the door and announced herself RIGHT after we had .....well you know. The one thing I'm not talking about on this thing is my sex life. Luckily for all of us I was fully clothed and he lives on the first floor of his building otherwise I would have been screwed. Or dead. Or both.

Man, you know when you start to write something that you think's going to be funny and then just can't finish it? Let's just sum this up with me getting caught. Her yelling "You can come out HB, I know you're here. I love you." Then I had to give her a cigarette.

The end.

PSA -- while jumping out of a window, first assess what is on the ground below it. If it is a thorny prickly bush, scout for other options.

Why do I even do this?

2007-04-29T22:16:00.000-05:00

I'm in the throes of self-pity right now, so you all will have to excuse me. Spidey is making me feel like I'm at his house too often, that I'm in the way, that I need to have something other to do than be with him. I doubt that he even reads this, he has more important things to do than to read my stupid ass blog. Or so I presume. Right now it feels to me that the only purpose I serve to him is to be there, but only when he wants me to be. This has happened before, with Julian.

This isn't directed solely at the person in question, but has anyone else noticed just how fucking self-centered men are? That they only want you to ask questions when it's convenient for them? That they only want your input on something,...well, never? Or when it serves their purpose?

Am I blowing things out of proportion? I'm sure that I am, I have a lot of hangups about these things. Still doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. Right now he's in his room learing the NIN version of "Hurt" from my CD. I meant to leave as soon as I dropped him off, after I had gathered up the rest of my things (he asked me to get all my stuff together and put it all in his room, does that sound like he's pushing me into a corner or am I being too sensitive?), but I wanted to check my blog, even though it doesn't have a tracker, just to see if anyone had left a comment, no one had of course, I guess because my audience is like two.

I guess I'll talk to you both later.

Open Letter to the Pretentious Soul Sucking Bastard From Hell.

2007-04-29T15:49:00.000-05:00

Hello, Pretentious Soul Sucking Bastard From Hell,

Boy, that's a long name, we'll just call you PSB for short, how about that? Oh, wait, why am I asking, because honestly I don't give a shit what you think.

So, it's been a year since you almost ruined my life. I hope that you're miserable and still living in your mommy's basement. It's certainly what you deserve. Actually, you deserve worse, so I hope karma finally caught up with you, you lying asshole.

How have I been? Fan-fucking-tastic. I'm dating someone who loves me for me and doesn't call me fat or try to hurt me. That was you by the way, in case you suddenly developed amnesia like you did every single fucking time you did it. I still hate you. That I can't shake. I wish I could, but it's like a cancer, I've been in remission for a while now, but every once in a while I have a relapse of simple and complete hatred. You've been gone an entire year now, and about this time last year I was a suicidal mess, thank you for that. It proved to me that I am stronger without you, or anyone for that matter. I still need people (Spidey, I love you), but I'm strong and resilient and I don't take anyone's shit, and that is all because of you, motherfucker.

You're pathetic, you know that, you alcoholic piece of shit? I hope by now you have driven off anyone you have ever loved, I'm pretty sure that you're capable of doing that as well. I'm pretty much convinced that you're a sociopath and a lying sack of shit (also known as a compulsive liar), and you called me crazy? Take a look in the mirror, asshole, because that's the crazy one. Crazy people are the ones who like guns and lie about everything and hurt their girlfriends who they're taking advantage of by trying to live free off of them. Notice that I said trying, you only left when it became apparant that I wasn't going to let you live with me for free. God, I hate you.

I love my boyfriend. I'm happy. I have my painting. I have school. I have work. I'm a busy person, and this time it's not just to forget about you, but because I do things I love.

You on the otherhand, are probably still sitting on your sofa, writing pointless code and draining your parents dry of love and money. You are not capable of loving anyone but yourself. I'm glad that I've realized that, you fucking Narcissist.

It's been great not talking to you, let's do this more often.
sincerely,
the person that hates you most in the world, Hell's Belle

sick, sick, sick

2007-04-18T23:37:00.000-05:00

I hate being sick and I know that many of you have requested that I post a non-negative post every once in a while but this will not be it. I cannot shoot sunshine and flowers out of my ass for you at this very moment. Why does eveyone think that I HAVE to be positive, maybe, just maybe in this world there exist a few of us non-positive, surly, combative people who just are like that and can't be outwardly happy all the freaking time. No offense, yo, but I'm getting kind of tired of people telling me to "just be happy" don't you think that if I could I would? Do you think I enjoy being like this? No. That is your answer, no, I do not enjoy being like this and I would greatly appreciate it if all the sally sunshines in the world would jump directly off my back and leave me alone with it. I bitch on here because it is a way for me to vent in a healthy manner. Would you rather I run people down with my car at the sority dorm? Or in the parking lot at the grocery store? No, I didn't think you would. I love the people who have told me this time and again, but I. Am. Not. Sally. Sunshine. and I never will be, so stop trying to force it.

why I changed the name of my blog

2007-04-18T01:22:00.000-05:00

because I had ganked the name from an all female AC/DC cover band without knowing it. Oops.

I'm tired and I'm going home. Thank Jeebus for sleep.

on the phone with Kaboom

2007-04-16T22:42:00.000-05:00

"I lost my virginity on star wars sheets" "He lived on the second floor of gardner, I'm going to have to find a way to break into that room" "We used to go hiking and smoke pot" "I like A words, they're great" "I might hate you, but I'm OK with that" Want to know where all that came from? a Conversation with Kaboom. She was a little drunk and a little freaked out because she goes to Virginia Tech and we all know what happened there today so give here a little leeway, ok? I promised not to talk about that time she puked on me, so I won't. If you read this and don't already know the story then you're never going to get the details, sorry, I'm sick of repeating it. Actually I'm just sick, which is what is going to make this such a short blog. Running a fever, coughing, runny nose, the works so I'm cranky times one, then there's "the time of the month" which makes me cranky times two, and all of you who know me know that right now is not the most pleasant time to be around me. Whatever. YOU deal with it because I don't feel like it. Spiderman is doing a considerably great job dealing with it, but he has a considerably larger amount of patience with me than anyone else on this planet. By now anyone else would have just shot me. I'm high on cough syrup and theraflu and I still have to do a paper and by now I've probably pissed Kaboom off by quoting bits of our conversation on the internets. Oh well, if she likes it I'll leave it up, if she doesn't I may consider taking it down. I love her and all of her weird random funniness. Don't be mad Kaboom.

Now I have to go make up a paper for a class tomorrow. I have about three sentences of it done.

PSA for the day: If you have a really expensive car and the wind is blowing really hard don't park under a tree that is leaning over already because the ground is saturated, move it because the fucking tree may fall on it.

I think I may have made a huge mistake

2007-04-14T02:18:00.000-05:00

I bought spiderman an x-box from a pawnshop for his birthday. And now he and I both are addicted to it. It's after three in the morning and we're still playing (well, he's playing and I'm blogging without him knowing it.:)) This thing will suck the brain straight out of your head. Anyway, I've had about two Sparks so I'm not only buzzed but also a little jazzed to be alive right now.

Here's a secret. I'm staying the night at Spiderman's house. Does that mean I'm going to hell? I guess it's too late to worry about that anyway. I intend to convert to catholicism and get eternal forgiveness on my deathbed anyway so I guess it doesn't matter.

Ready for your PSA? If you're at work and it's really busy and there's only one other person there to run the cash register to sell all the rednecks their beer, now is probably not the time to simultaneously piss your coworker off by talking on your damn cell phone but also to not do your job. thank you, I'll be here all week, try the veal.

laters.

One more thing....

2007-04-04T13:09:00.001-05:00

Does anyone read this?

What is LOVE???

2007-04-04T12:57:00.000-05:00

Scared you there for a minute didn't I? You know I don't talk about that kind of shit, so step off bitches.

Things to bitch about today:
1: I am so tired that I don't want to move much less go to work
2: I am so tired I don't want to go to work
3: I just don't want to go to work
4: I have produced a total of two papers and taken two exams in the last four days. I hate school.
5: I have until April 15 to decide if I want to stay in my fully furnished, very tiny, allows pets shithole of an apartment. This is a very difficult decision for me.
6: I have no money and the Feds are holding out on me until tomorrow.
7: I want to go to the climbing wall but I have doubts that I have the energy to strap on the harness (drag it out of the gutter) much less scale a hundred foot wall
8: I have an incurable craving for food, which I can't buy until the Feds come through with the dollas.
9: My nose hurts and my foot is asleep'
10: I have to ride the bus home.

There's more, shall I continue? I don't think so, I may go take a nap in a chair in the library until my next class starts.

PSA for the day: If you're planning on taking the bus to school, leave your house before it's supposed to get to your stop. That makes things wayyyy easier.

yeah, I know it's been a while

2007-04-03T11:45:00.000-05:00

I've been busy. Leave me alone. As for pictures of the reunion I don't have any, so don't ask.

So, Sunday morning Tommy Lee (and you know who you are) woke me up and wanted me to go to breakfast. Generally, I don't get out of bed until at least eleven, but for some reason this rockstar person who was staying at my mom's house with me and had, for reasons unknown emerged from Kurt's house unscathed (unlike me who is STILL covered in bruises. believe me when I tell you that it took some explaining to the boyfriend. And really the only reason I have them to begin with is because I fell down something like a million times) was Perky. Perky. I don't do perky. Perky and I are not friends. Perky can blow me. So, on the basis of that I decline and sit in the recliner at mom's and drink coffee until they come back to la casa to collect Tommy's things. I'm rambling aren't I? Whatev. Anyway, I get back to Boone to my wonderful boyfriend Spiderman (it's another inside joke, just go with it ok?) I take a nap. I go get him at work, I stay up so late I sleep through ALL of my classes on Monday. Fun, huh? Goes to show that responsibility does not come with age.

So, here I am back in Boone, blogging again for the first time in a month about absolutley nothing. I'm sitting at job number two doing this while I should be doing an outline on my Napoleon and Josephine paper that's due......tomorrow but I just don't have it in me. School Sucks. No, you all don't understand. It sucks more than anything. It sucks more than having a full bird Colonel throw a stapler at you. It sucks worse than traffic in Atlanta. It sucks worse than George Bush (and that's a whole lot of sucking, I'm pretty sure that if you stopped right now and pulled your Ipod earbud out of your ear you could actually hear the sound of the sucking coming from the general direction of DC.)

The reunion was suprisingly fun. Things change, people change, Michelle gets lit like a freaking firecracker so some things DON'T change, but whatever again. I do have one thing to say though, and those of you who are former classmates that read this, or if anyone reads this for that matter...DUSTIN JONES CAN BLOW ME. Thank you, have a great night.

Empirical Proof That all Men are Shitheads

2007-02-14T12:34:00.000-05:00

I'm going to keep this as simple as possible, since I have to be in class in 20 minutes. Let's do it in bullet format, shall we?

I recieve a phone call from an old friend last week
She asks when I stopped talking to a guy we both knew in HS
Then she tells me that he's dating another girl we both new from HS
Then we figure out the overlap time
The subject is dropped with a minimum of "oh my God, what a bastard's" and "that lying piece of shit." and "you should tell her: no you should tell her: no you should tell her" We decide neither of us should tell her.
We don't.
Today I get an email from said male telling me that I'm "a cool girl and that he would understand if I didn't want to talk to him"
My response? This is verbatum. "what happened? You and *name omitted* break up? You should probably remember that people talk to each other. Newsflash asshole, I'm nobody's fallback girl."
I forwarded it to the old friend from number one
The end.

And people wonder why I'm such a bitter, jaded person? It's because of shit like this.

Get a Freakin' Room

2007-02-13T10:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, people. It's time to get a room. In the past two days I've seen so many couples exploring the backs of each others throats that I can't even begin to count them. I understand that it's a university campus and hormones are flowing and you're away from your parents for the first time ever, but for the love of god, spare the rest of us. Please. Please isn't usually a word in my verbal repritore but in this case I'm begging. Spare the rest of us the tonsil hockey, do your freaking homework, read, do whatever 20 year olds do, honestly I don't give a shit, but if this continues I'm most likely going to go homicidal on the next couple that I see doing it.

There's your PSA for the day. I have to go to class

I know that everyone has already written about this, but...

2007-02-12T12:23:00.000-05:00

Did you know that there are two different sub-species of men? Another ugly fact that I was reminded of this weekend. What are they? There are the ones that are assholes and aren't ashamed of it, and then . . . there are those who are assholes and are so ashamed of it that they hide it under this "nice guy" veneer.

Here are some examples....Let's call him Puke, just for fun's sake. I called him to see if he wanted to do anything on Saturday night. He said he was sick. I took him medicine. There was another girl there. Let's call her Stupid Girl who used to Live Next Door With Really Shitty Hair and Is Not As Pretty as me. Just about two weeks ago Puke and I had a conversation where he OH SO KINDLY explained that he didn't want anyone in his life, casual or otherwise. And then there the girl with the shitty hair was. I get it. Or at least I think I do. Maybe I cared too much? Maybe I was too available? Maybe, god forbid he lied to me and I wasn't pretty or thin enough. Fucker.

Example number two...Lying Lyer from job 2. we talk for a bit, I thought it was flirtatious, I gave him my phone number, he promptly told another girl from job 2 and then it mushroom clouded from there. Again, fucker. He got the big eyes and said "I never meant to hurt anyone" I say that's bullshit.

If anyone reads this, which I doubt, I got out of a fairly long term relationship about six months ago with an abusive bastard. What I don't want to hear are: You need more time; it takes twice as long to get over a relationship as you were in it; not all guys are shit; there is someone out there for you; it will happen when you least expect it, blah blah blah. I've heard all of those a million times and I really don't want to hear it again.

I'm angry. That should be more than obvious. I'm angry at the world, at the bastard that made me this way, I'm angry that the mad is turning into coldness and pretty soon I'll have pushed everyone away.

I swear to god...

2007-02-09T12:02:00.000-05:00

If this stupid campus wireless connection kicks me off ONE more time, I'm going to be considerably more homicidal than usual.

So, I've noticed that there are a shitload of "Inspiring" and "profound" blogs out there, preaching peace and tolerance. Good for them. This isn't one of those. For those of you know me, you'll realize that I really don't have it in me to inspiring or profound. I'm a shallow belle with very little to say except to bitch about things. That probably accounts for the fact that I don't talk a whole lot....that being said, I have something profound to say....if it's colder than freaking Antartica outside it would probably be a fantastic idea to wear shoes that cover your entire foot. I see stupid people all the damn time wearing flip flops, or those stupid ugly crocs with no socks and it's 18 degrees outside. Am I the only one that thinks that this is just merely a lead up to pneumonia? Yeah, that's what I thought.

On another note, I've actually started making decent tips at Job #1, of course decent tips at that place only come if you stand and talk to the tourists and/or rednecks for-freaking-ever, but I'm good at that. It's all a good show, you know "the real Belle v. sweet southern waitress Belle who wants to take all of your money." I also put pictures of my cousins kids in my wait book, I thought that it would make people think I was a single mom and thus give me better tips because I was poor and working my ass off. That experiment has yet to yeild any data, I'll let you know at a later date if it works. What really works? The Veteran angle. They always ask personal questions and I just tell them that I spent the last four years "fighting for our country" (sitting at a desk and telling people what to do) and they thank me and leave a big tip. Also, considering that NO ONE has yet been able to accuratley peg my age is pretty cool.

Other than working like a dog at jobs 1 and 2 and going to school there really hasn't been time for much else. Aside from my very first Mrs. Robinson moment, but I'll go into that later.

It's been a while...oh, and I'm old.

2007-02-02T12:22:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting in the campus computer because poverty has fallen upon the Belle. I don't have internet at my house. I'm having to relearn life. No more IMDB, no more IM, no more checking my email at 4 AM. SO, what have I been doing? Here's a list:

Going to class with people that I am ten years older than
Going to Job #1, which involves smiling and bringing people peanuts and having to pretend to be nice. Anyone who knows me knows that "nice" isn't one of my main mindsets.
Going to Job #2, where I sit in a room and file. It's quiet, there isn't anyone there to bother me and I just get left the hell alone.
Finding old friends. It's suprising how many people stick around this town. It used to be a hippie magnent but now it's a fucking yuppie magnent.
Painting more, as I have realized that I am still not fully recovered from the hell that was the pretentious soul sucking bastard from hell.
Dealing with the fact that my "friends" from Atlanta have abandoned me.
Getting lost. A lot. This town has changed. It's all gentrified now. Scary.
Learning how to feed myself off of the tips I get from Job #1
Living with three cats in a 400 square foot apartment. That really should have been number one.
Learning to live with poverty. It SUCKS. All I ever get to buy is food and sometimes art supplies.
Sitting on my "couch" wishing that it were actually comfortable and basically acting like an old woman. I'm crocheting Gnumoon a blanket for the bebe.
Walking across campus and thinking "he's cute" and then realizing that he's like TWELVE
Trying to convnice the Rugby coach that, while I am a frail old 28 years old, I still have the rage sufficient to play a game where the most fun thing isn't scoring a goal but kicking the shit out of someone.

That's thirteen. Since this is in the "More Bitching" category I thought I would go with the unlucky number. Since my luck hasn't been holding for much longer than a day recently maybe it will be opposite day today and I'll make tons and tons of money at Job #2 and it won't snow.

Living the Transient Life

2006-12-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

I'm getting ready to move. Again. I've been at my mom's for the past month, sitting in stasis.

My car is packed. The cats know something is up. For some reason I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with my mother. Did I suddenly regress to 12?

Here's the thing. I'm tired of moving. I want to be somewhere permananent, solid, home. I guess that I've been trying to find my fit for a long time now and it just hasn't happened. So I guess that I'll keep moving, trying to find my fit until I find someplace that feels right to me. My real fear? That I'll never find it.

Ok, Seriously....

2006-12-25T23:25:00.000-05:00

I've been blogging on MySpace for a while now, but I think that as someone that's staring thirty in the eye, I should probably move on from MySpace. Plus, the "what up, boo?" crap was starting to get old, and as much as I love to tear into dumbasses, there really wasn't enough time in the day. So here's my first, real life, grown up blog. Wow, I feel like a big girl now. Also, I've probably stolen someone's name, but if they want to get into a fight for it, they'll find me. And then they'll lose.

So, are introductions in order here? I was raised right, as my momma, said, or at least she tried, but this big ass mouth of mine couldn't stay shut long enough for her to teach me tact. I haven't decided what direction I'm wanting this blog to go in as of yet. I guess that I could bitch about everything that sucks.....but so MANY people do that these days, plus I'm not an angst filled 13 year old that cuts myself, so I guess that's out. BUT, I don't want it to be a "la, la, la....I went to class today, it was fun. then my boyfriend and I made out on the couch for an hour. then we ate pizza." kind of blog either, so there's that. I guess what it's going to end up being is a chronical (spelling? not my forte) of what it's like to be a student again. To be living in a college town again. To be me. You know how most people have an internal censor working for them, keeping in all the crap that they're thinking, like "you're a pompous jackass that needs to shut up now." from coming out of their mouth? I don't have that. I do have another internal censor that keeps the seriously bad stuff from coming out. Stuff like "I wish that you had never married my mother, you alcoholic waste of air. You made my childhood hell and I wish that when you die, wherever you go, you get what's coming to you." You know, things like that.

As much fun as this has been, I'm feeling kind of old today. Christmas. Meh. So, I'm going to go sit my old ass in my recliner and watch CSI.